why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
Randomize
