My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
Randomize
