if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
Randomize