There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
I can feel your judgement through the phone
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
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