U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
You left your underwear on the fireplace
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
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