There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
that's an acceptable place to lick
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
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