You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Randomize
