I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
Randomize
