Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize
