he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
Redeem this text for a blowjob
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
Randomize