mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
