Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
