smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Randomize
