HIV tests are more positive than that guy
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
We had sex on a dog bed..
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
