The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
Randomize
