I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
Welp...herpes.
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
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