I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.