My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
naw, they were rude, not me.
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
15 Ridiculous Ways Broke People Managed to Make a Buck
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
These 27 C*ck Blocks Are Savage AF
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.