On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.