You made me cry and you don't even care
I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
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Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
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People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
I can see the future and your future is full of penis