You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire