I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
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my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
I think I have vodka in my lungs
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
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Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?