i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
New. Vanessa hudgens nude pics
That text made me feel like i signed up for some awesome celeb nude pic reminder
Also, on a completely related note, just came up with an awesome business plan. You in?
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
Randomize
