I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
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