So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
this beer tastes like vomit already
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Randomize
