hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
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