tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
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