Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Randomize
