apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
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