Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
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