Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
Randomize
