you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
Randomize
