Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
What should our trivia night team be named?
Define Statutory
is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
Randomize
