By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
Acid is not a monday night drug
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
Randomize
