I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
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