Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
