I think I am morally bankrupt
Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Randomize
