well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
Randomize
