Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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