Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
Randomize
