I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
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