I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
