Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
Randomize
