i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
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