I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
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