in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
Randomize
