Already got asked if we're dating
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
Randomize
