I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
Randomize
