i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
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It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
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If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
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