Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
Randomize
