I need help removing her.
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
