Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
Randomize
