i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Randomize
