apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
the room spins SO much faster in panama
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
Randomize
