I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
Everyone says I win the strip club
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
Randomize
