awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
So I just went to clothing optional bar
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
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