How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
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