where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
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She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
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