And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
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