maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
