She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
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