guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
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End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
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